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Let's talking about what's was really of the love

 Because most of “the signs” they tell you are garbage If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,” you’re gonna have a bad time Because it’s mostly shit advice. Here’s a small sampling: “They’re always on your mind” This is infatuation. If someone’s “always” on your mind, you’re not focused on other Really Important Things. And that’s a problem. Real love fits into real life, rather than usurping it. It’s calm, not overwhelming. They’re your ‘everything’” Ditto. “You see them in your future” “When I imagined my future job/location/adopted dog, they were always in the background of my imagination helping me out with whatever I was doing. My future just didn’t really make sense without them around.” Well, I mean, damn. You fantasize long and hard enough, you can see anything in your future — like I could imagine moving to Switzerland to be a goat farmer. That doesn’t mean I should. The problem is that we’ve made “love” into a game of escapism, and measure potential partners by how

那一夜,是我第一次同居


我從來沒有想過我也會有未婚同居的一天,而這一天比我想像的還要來的快,就像是做了一場夢,夢裡有驚嚇,有喜悅,有甜蜜,也有爭吵,更有摩擦冷戰,但是等我平靜下來,思考一下的時候,才發現這根本就不是夢,而是我真的接受一個異性和自己實實在在的在一起生活了。



這種感覺就像是霸道總裁偶像劇裡的場景,第二天我以“啊——”的一聲大叫作為開場白,周遭的一切都提醒著我一夜未歸,並且是陌生的床,陌生的房間,甚至是有些陌生的男人……


不用驚訝,這真的是有史以來我做的最大膽最不可思議的一件事了,至今想想我們網戀也不過前後兩個月,第一次見面就直接睡在一起了,請允許我腦補一下這種感覺,用一個詞來形容就是“震驚”,,三個字形容就是“破天荒”,四個字形容就是“驚天動地”,一句話總結就是“太陽從西邊出來了!”,至今想想都覺得是oh,mygod,不可思議。


關於他,我清晰的記得我們網戀那會兒是每每聊天聊到深夜停不下來,但也僅僅是網聊,羞澀的甚至某些難以啟齒的都通通聊了個遍,天上飛的水里跑的,地裡游的,甚至包括他姐姐妹妹,高中的大學的,什麼想法都會暢所欲言,但是等到約定過年前幾天見面的時候,由於幾年沒有見面(之前已經認識過了),那種陌生感和羞澀感再一次將我倆團團包裹住了,所以別看我們在網上那麼熟絡,無話不談,現實中我們第一次見面連牽手都覺得彆扭,很不好意思。


我深刻的記得,那天晚上風好大,我們一路上在回民街兜兜轉轉,我矜持得不發一言,之後氣氛更是陷入有些尷尬的局面。


只是後來約好了一起去看大唐芙蓉園,在欣賞美景的時候,我感受著穿堂而過風一次次將我襲擊,我抱著取暖的想法,將手探到了他暖和的外衣口袋裡,下一秒,沒想到他居然冷不防地將手也放了進去,那種觸電的感覺一下子讓我臉頰通紅,氣氛變得無比曖昧,我能感覺到溫暖的一股熱流隨著他的手一下子傳播到我的手心,讓我慢慢回過神來,反而有點貪戀這種冬天來的溫暖。


我沒有拒絕,紅著的臉有點不知所措,就任由他這樣握著我的手,此刻那種安心讓我羞澀得不敢去看他的臉,兩個人就這麼沉默了好一會兒。


那天晚上我們去看電影,結果看完已經十一點半,想回家已經太晚了,而且最關鍵的是我看電影都睡著了,迷迷糊糊中,他說太晚了帶我去外面開了一間房,當時的我怕極了,但是內心里相信他不會趁人之危做出什麼事情的。


當時的我也不知道哪裡來的勇氣和自信,居然就這麼跟著一個男人來到了一家快捷酒店,我記得很清楚是兩張床,我當時還想著,正人君子不都是兩間房嗎?他這是什麼操作,一人一張床?


當時的我困極了,倒床就睡,顧不了其他,不過我睡覺的時候,忽然想起來我還沒有卸妝洗臉刷牙,不能就這麼睡覺。


等我去洗漱的時候,沒想到倒是把我洗的清醒了,我有點懵,晚上就這麼稀里糊塗的和一個男人同居了?


我內心有些害怕,不過好在對方讓我很安心,沒有做出任何事情,等我洗完後,繼續睡覺。


那天晚上他就靜靜躺在對面那張床上,倒是我有點不安心了,因為一開始我們把手握在一起,讓我很安心,此刻我獨自一人入睡在一個陌生的房間,陌生的床上,多多少少睡不著。確切的說我從來沒有獨自在外睡覺的經歷。


我想要陪伴,所以我小心翼翼地對他說,我好冷啊。


他讓我蓋好被子,我說還是冷,我想要抱著他睡覺,他眼裡閃過一抹狡黠的目光,並且認認真真地問我:“你確定?”


我很篤定地點點頭,大冬天的我最缺男朋友了,所以他開心雀躍地到了睡到了一起。


一開始我們只是抱著取暖,毫無其他作為,不過後半夜不知道怎麼的,想要貼的更近一些,睡覺穿太多也不方便,就脫了秋衣秋褲,不過就算是這樣,也並沒有發生你們想像中的一切,因為我覺得真正的喜歡是經得起時間考驗的,所以我們雖然卿卿我我,但也僅僅止步於此,沒有再進一步。


倒是那天晚上我太緊張不安,就連擁抱在一起,都有種犯罪的感覺,我這是和一個男人同床共枕了嗎?第二天清晨陽光照進來的時候,我整個人都蒙了,一下子意識到我居然和一個男人同居一整晚,好在對方的手心暖暖的,我依偎在他懷裡,做個幸福的小女人……


現在的我們已經同居兩年了,一開始因為我的斤斤計較,還有他玩遊戲以及直男癌不知道吵架多少次,甚至冷戰,但是漸漸地磨合後,沒有那麼頻繁的爭吵了,而是知道了對方和我彼此間的差異性,不去在意這些細節,就可以好好的相處下去。

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